Friday, June 29, 2012

Magic Gab

Werth: Howdy, Wise!

Wise: Howdy, Werth! You got your singles ready?

Werth: I sure do! Friday's release of Steven Soderbergh's much-hyped Magic Mike is likely to make male-stripper enthusiasts everywhere toss their money at the screen with gleeful abandon.

Wise: Filling the theater with the most squeals since Ned Beatty and Burt Reynolds went for a canoe ride in Georgia. 

Werth: With some of Hollywood's hottest male properties taking it all off, I thought we here at Film Gab should salute our favorite movies that celebrate the male form. Wise, if you please...

Wise: With pleasure!

Wise's Favorite Male-Order Movies

Splendor in the Grass (1961)— Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty play teenage sweethearts in rural 1920's Kansas: she's the town good girl who winds up in the insane asylum when Beatty's football star heads to Yale instead of the back seat of his Rambler with her. 

The Heiress (1949)—After years of romantic disappointment, awkward spinster Olivia de Haviland falls hard for doe-eyed possible gold digger Montgomery Clift who could make the dustiest old maid long to raise her petticoats.  

The Opposite of Sex (1998)—Christina Ricci takes sibling rivalry to new kinky lows when she seduces her brother's boyfriend played by bee-stung-lipped Ivan Sergei who spends most of his time tanning his abs by the pool.

Singing in the Rain (1952)— Normally I find Gene Kelly too brash to be beautiful, but when he looks past Debbie Reynolds and into Donald O'Connor's twinkling Irish eyes, I get a little short of breath.  Plus: dude could wear pants. 

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)— Patricia Highsmith's charismatic yet sociopathic killer may not be human enough to actually feel love, but Anthony Minghella's adaptation of her first Ripley novel transforms Jude Law into a golden object of desire that could stir feelings in even the blackest heart. 

Werth's Favorite Bare Beefcake Flicks

Dirty Dancing (1987)— If seeing Patrick Swayze dance in the water with his shirt off isn't enough, there's always the peek-a-boo bottom you see when he gets out of bed with Jennifer Grey.

Tarzan and His Mate (1934)— Olympic swimmer-turned Hollywood hearthrob Johnny Weissmuller swings, runs and wrestles through the jungle with his loincloth holding on for dear life.

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)— I challenge anyone to find a man who is sexier in a t-shirt than Marlon Brando as Stanley Kowalski. He doesn't even need to take it off to raise your heart rate.

Querelle (1982)— Fassbinder is a stylistic perv. But the way his camera ravishes Brad Davis' cocky sailor makes you overlook the depravity.

Watchmen (2009)— I didn't think I could get excited by a giant, blue, CGI superhero, but Billy Crudup's nude Dr. Manhattan makes me want to request a physical.

Wise: Werth, after this post, I need to take a cold shower.

Werth: Go right aheadjust don't take your dollar bills in there with you. And make sure you're squeaky clean for next week's Film Gab!

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